I was not detaching to let him think everything was A-OK, I need to detach SO THAT I WOULD BE A-OK...he could think whatever he wanted to think. When I 'got it', the most amazing things began to happen...no more yelling, screaming, fighting...I was at peace.
The absolute hardest concept for me to overcome was the idea that was implanted in my head that By gosh...I had to make him understand I was mad, it wasn't okay, it HAD to change....
Just adding two of the quotes that really helped me because they are worded better than what I said.
Now - to truly do this - with no ulterior, controlling motives...that's the challenge! But I'm getting there.
Oh and a huge thing...it is hard for me to look at his alcoholism as a disease or an illness. I really do take it personally. I don't understand it at all so that really gets in my way. So if I can get myself to accept that I think it will really help.