I started at 15 and I dont think there has been a time since then, that if I picked up alcohol i didnt get wasted. I remember pretty clearly the first time. Went to school in the morning drunk off of vodka and OJ, still to this day vodka is my AOC, well and wine and beer and gin, oh hell anything really.
But examining myself lately, has made me realize that yes I was an alcoholic from day one. It took me 17 years to even want to stop. I knew years ago I had a problem, I just never cared to do a darn thing about it. Now I have and I do and I WILL. God and AA are doing for me what I could not do for myself.
I never thought I drank to fit in or become more sociable, I am always that even without alc., I thought I just drank because I liked the way it made me feel, but looking at myself and my life, I do realize that I didnt like the person I was and was trying to escape and hide. Alcohol provides that numbing relief temporarily. However you always have to wake up and usually from a black out with a hangover.
I am so THANKFUL to not have to do this anymore.
Thanks for asking,
Star