equus

I'm looking for tips and advice from old timers in marriage to boost my newbie-ness!!

I have a friend that I've known for about 11 years - he's been a lodger in my (now our) house before D came back into my life, we've been good close friends but not the sort of friends that worry about staying in touch. It's always been a case of 'YAY!! Where you been for the last X years?' on both sides.

So he has an interview in my city on Friday and is coming up to spend the night on Thursday, maybe Friday as well or he might spend some time with our other best friends who also got to know him. Phil and D have never met!

Phil & D are both strong and very different characters. Phil is a disciplined, very determined acedemic, always off doing research, very well published and totally driven. D is a people person with a creative and inventive mind and although he never stops reading his self discipline to apply himself to study has been sketchy to say the least!! Both can be TERMINALLY shy but Phil really does lack social skills where as D lacks confidence to use them.

So I talked to my best buddy who knows both of them fairly well. Her advice was to make sure I was around to help things along as much as possible because she thought between them they could totally grind to a halt.

My concern is more that they're both 'wee sensitive flowers' and in different ways could be left feeling inadequate/'less' if that makes sense. They're both good hearts but I don't think they'd be natural friends unless they got past the differences enough to know each other (like having to work together etc).

I'm also trying to imagine how I'd feel if it was a female friend of D's coming to stay....

We've talked about it lots, D knows that I've never been atracted to Phil and he knows our other friends like him. He also knows that I would like to be able to offer Phil a place to stay as his family life has always been crap and he doesn't really have any other 'base' in the UK apart from his sister who has really battled illness recently. He never stays long before being off again - and since I got married I've voluntered that I wouldn't invite him for more than a night unless D was keen once he knows him.

I'm a little nervous.......