Some amends will be accepted and we'll be forgiven; others won't. I'm with Carol and Jupiter on this one. Our character defects can cleave to us, even in the amends process, if we don't deal with them first. A sponsor who's worked the steps herself, understands the process and has had that "aha!" moment of understanding as to why we do things in order can help you in this.
My best friend of.....thirty-three years now...wow!....was on my amends list. I hurt her with words, and I did a real bang-up job of it. I was vicious. I didn't make amends to her until I was two years sober, not because it took that long to get to the ninth step, but because part of my amends to her was my sobriety. I knew her well. She's a real "show me" kind of person. For me to ask her forgiveness any sooner would have been just words. When I came to her at two years, it demonstrated committment and sincerity in my program. I told her why I waited. She said I was right -- that any sooner, she would have said, "Yeah, whatever." The amends were for me. I don't know that I could have handled a "yeah, whatever" from her. So, as difficult as it was to wait, I prayed for the patience to keep on keepin' on until the time was right. I prayed for God's will, and God provided the opportunity at the right time.
I only share that because I've talked to others who have had a similar experience as yours, and also a similar experience as mine. Words can be perceived as cheap, and usually are, if they're not accompanied by actions. An amends is a repayment. What currency, other than words, have you put into this amends?
I'm always praying for you, Cheryl. Always. Keep on keepin' on.
Peace & Love,
Sugah