I also need to add that I accept that I'm powerless over his decision and I can't control the outcome. I can accept the outcome even if our friendship is permanently destroyed.
The thing that I can't get past is the guilt that I really hurt him. I'll always know that I was the one who destroyed the friendship with my drinking. I am not a naturally mean person so just by knowing that my words and actions caused pain to him, brings pain into my own heart. I feel like such a monster to hurt him like that! That is the real part that haunts me........
I miss him and our friendship.
Now, the drinking and drugs are gone but he is gone also........and there isn't anything I can do to fix this except stay sober.