Dear GettingFree,
I can relate to your feelings. I´ve had them many times in the course of my life ,but I also know I will not do it. I have simply fought too hard to give up on life. But when the pain strikes, I feel the urge.
What works for me is to think of children and my career and try to create a new idea to work on, a new place of travel to show them.
Sometimes I surrender to these thoughts I call "negative power". I say to myself: I am feeling this negative power today and I will let myself feel it. I tell people I´m unwell and I rest. I say to myself as well: It´s Monday. There will be a Tuesday. But for now, I am grieving and I have every right to.
I try to find a way to minimize the pain. I take a positive decision and I follow it through. Last time I felt this way I decided to go to China. I felt better already. And then I went there.
Thankfully, the time between each deep pain time is getting longer and longer. I keep busy and I try to be of service. Being of service is essential to me, because I need to know I´m doing something useful. That helps.
I take my agenda out and I decide to do something creative and engage in anew activity, such as a new kind of dance, yoga, whatever makes me interested. I divide the year into 12 months, then six months, one months and weeks, finally days, and I tick off the little action steps it took me to realize my goals.
I hope this helps somewhat. Hang in there, life is full of surprises. Good ones.
Love and light,