2 Many...
All have gave you wonderful advice and resources. I hesitated in posting because I myself live a life such as yours and don't really have any miracle knowledge for you as I havn't found it yet.
My husband of 6 years started out about 3 years ago with empty threats...I'll shoot you came out of his mouth often if I said something he didn't like. I had an EPO issued and of course took him back. After that, when incidents would happen he'd say if the law took him in (which he would have to do a year from a previous assault involving our domestic situation) he would go on and finish me off so he'd have a permanent home. I took these with a grain of salt...sounds crazy I know. The point I'm getting at is that with time...they progressed. The threats got more detailed. Now in his mad rages...he describes what he will do to me in those situations. I think as I heard the threats over time I was numb and didn't really hear them. We have been seperated for 2 months (still talk). This has given me time to re-think those threats and how they sound. Like I read in one of the previous post...If they say them...they had to be thinking them...which means they may be able to perform them. I ask myself often...why would I want to be in this type of relationship. For some reason I still find myself missing him - I am miserable when I don't hear from him. This tells me I have some severe problems to work through. I am hoping it will get easier with time before I give in again.
Take care of yourself and take time to evaluate your situation. At least your A is going to counseling - I think I read. My A will not take the initiative to seek help therefore it is only getting worse with time.
My thoughts are with you...Take care.