Hi GreenTea,
Your name caught my attention. Your words compel me to respond.
Originally Posted by GreenTea
I'm not looking to AA to "escape" what I've done. I'm sincerely hoping it will help me. I'm planning to go to meetings throughout the week in order to help find some support as I try to eliminate alcohol from my life. I hope to find someone I can call and talk to when the craving starts again.
Isolation is a component of addiction that both rises from the addiction AND allows it to continue unabated. Very good you're reaching out to connect. Left alone, to your own devices, you're stumbling blind and stuck in a loop. Outside perspective in necessary to get outside your own best thinking, to find ways around it. So good you're here.
I hear that you're scared, both of the consequences of your actions, and your addiction. Neither is insurmountable. You can begin change today, every day is another opportunity, and that provides the necessary hope we need to progress in a positive direction. Your court dates will go FAR BETTER if you have no further arrests and are taking action toward the positive change before then. AA is an ideal place for you to begin. It's nothing to do with "escape". On the contrary, it's all about finding connections, to others, and to self. No more running. No more excuses. No more living in the horrors of addiction. There is hope.
When I found this site I was on the edge of hopelessness, set to give up and give in to the addict-thinking that consumed me. But this element of hope, knowing that change toward the positive IS possible, NOT alone but rather ENGAGING WITH others, provides the foothold we need to be able to continue walking forward. The firmer grounding you have, the more trust you have that it can and does work, so you take another step forward, and then another...
You know that in the dark of your own mind you're not going anywhere but sinking down into the bog. Know you're NOT an idiot, you're an addict in need of help. That's why we're all here. You're in good company here, and we're not idiots either, rather we're addicts, just like you. Looking for ways out of our own self-destructive behaviors and mindsets. Read posts across the boards, you'll see recovery IS possible, a better life IS within your grasp, you need not live trapped by your addict-thinking brain. There is another side, and there is HOPE. You've already achieved some necessary insights to begin the necessary changes, there is self-awareness in you about your addiction, and the desire to change. Honesty, open-mindedness, and willingness are all that's necessary to get involved in AA/ NA, so to find the tools and help (outside perspective) you need. And know we're here too. Wishing you well...