I don't know that I have any advice really, other than just stick to your guns. You set the boundry and I know for me, following through on my boundries was one of the hardest things I ever did. Took me several slips to realize he was still walking all over me because I was allowing him to by not upholding the boundries I set. In my situation, I know my AH (STBEXAH) he said the saem thing: Baby I love you. I can't do this without you.
At one point he just broke down in the kitchen crying nad yelling how he
needed my support. How in the hell could he get through this, survive this if he didn't even have the support of his g.d. wife.
sigh.
Not to sound cold, but later I realized that whether he intentionally did it or not, it was a manipulation tactic. Another way to lay the blame at someone else's door if he didn't sober up. Why if he dind't have MY support ,then by default the blame must be laid at my door. BTW, the next day it was his family's fault for the same reason.
Is it hard? You bet your a$$ it is. Here's someone you love that is begging you for help, and you know if you give it to them, it will only hurt them more. It hurts. It's confusing.
I believe in you. You know what the right thing is or you wouldn't be here. Sometimes, it just isn't the easy thing. Or it wasn't for me.
Of course that doens't answer your orginal question, does it? I don't know what to tell you to tell him. I just know that I told mine if it made him feel better to blame me, go ahead. I was used to it. The difference was that I knew only he could do this. No one else could carry this burden for him. This was a battle he had to fight completely solo or he would lose.
not that it worked. At least on him getting sober. For me, greater peace of mind and a clearer view of detatchment. I figure I'm a work in progress.
Good luck. Stay strong!
Hugs,
FA