Hey Equs,
You write well, beautifully in fact. Its refereshing to read something I can identify with here.
For me, well, I always wanted there to be a God but he failed on those' if God is omniscent, (all seeing) omnipotent (capable of anything) and benelovent (good) then why do unspeakble things happen' arguments.... also people denying evolution and what is in their faces and thinking the world is only 6,000 years old when we have all those dinosaur bones and carbon dating... oh and beliving that only christians would go to heaven, even if they were horrible but they belived in jesus and all the good folk would burn cos they were muslims or whatever...wow... thats a heavy trip and Im curious how its possible to get into that 'im saved, youre not' mindset, curious and facinated, Ive listened for hours to those street speakers, bursting with rage about hell and stuff, almost pooping themselves with excitement, wondering about their trip, and how/who and what made them take it.....
All religion facinates me, I love the temple of India and Thailand/south east Asia hinduism and buddhism seem attractive but im along way from believing in anything...I like beautiful stories though and often wished I could believe them as some seem to...people with faith seem happier, get well quicker and suffer less deppression..Ive noticed this for myself and it also seems to be backed up by sudies and such (sorry,very vague) but still I cant find something I believe in whole heartedly, not even science...we get so much wrong, sometimes I think we dont have a clue, that we dont know even half,a quarter,a fraction of the truth, and perhaps it is supposed to be that way, unknowable...I know this much is true....the longer I live the less I know, the younger I feel,The less sure I am about anything........hey its dark up my own ass!