How long did I put up with it? Far too long. I should have left much sooner, but I was in too much denial.
The last straw. I'm not sure, there were so many. If I were to pick one it would be affair #3. My ex-wife and affair #3 came up with a convoluted plan to cover up the affair from the wife of #3. A rather expensive plan too. I was suckered into the plan partly by my wife's actions and partly by my own denial. When I caught on and refused to participate any further my wife demanded that I continue to assist her and #3 in covering up the affair from #3's wife.
I stuck it out a few months after that, and during that time I learned a great deal about the disease as a result of attending real life meetings of al-anon. When I firmed up my boundaries my ex-wife demanded that I leave, and I realized that she was right, our marriage was over and it was time I find a new life.
Mike
