welcome distressed and I hope you are having a better day today...I too have battled the oxy dragon and felt as you did...It seemed like I did everything better, was better at chatting to others..all the same things...only till I had been clean for several months did i realize my addiction led me to feel that way.... I am now able to see who I am and my potential...
I was never better using, i was just numb to the world and even on my worst day...It did not matter because I was using and it was all okay...
I may not be 100 percent yet and have a lifetime to go ...but for today I am doing my best and I have clarity...for once...Good luck and again...WELCOME !!!!