I guess him making the choice takes some of the "guilt" off of me.
I completely understand this. You have nothing to feel guilty for to begin with when it comes to his addiction - but him making the choice to leave does not make you feel that what transpires in his life is your fault for having kicked him out. I understand.
However, after reading your post earlier, I had a thought Jessica. Something that didn't dawn on me the first time I read it.
The action that you are seeing is simple - the progression of addiction. He has gone from being an alcoholic to also now using cocaine.
As you already know, addiction is progressive Jessica.
I hope that you will give some serious thought as to the extent of this rollercoaster ride that you are willing to put you and your children on. I know that no matter choice you make, it will still hurt. But maybe looking at it from the angle of which choice will hurt less will help you to see the bigger picture.
I know you got my IM earlier, I meant what I said. Take care Jessica. I'm really sorry that you are going through this and I know it hurts.