Sharing My Esh With You
Hi, Sharon and alcoholic here again.
WHO has ever been really ready to give up their alcohol or drugs? DEFINITELY NOT ME TILL IT WAS ALMOST TOO LATE.
Did I enjoy being sick? NO. Did I ask for my disease? NO Did I ask for ur help when u offered it to me? NO. Why? Because I wanted to stop drinking or using on my own. I didnt want or need ur help. My will was stronger, so I thought. I can do this on my own. just watch me and see. RIGHT.!
Things didnt look right from my family's point of view when i got into a car accident back in Feb 90 coming home from a local club drunk. I didnt know i was drunk. I just ran off the road and hit a concrete culvert sitting on top the ground.
Yeah i stayed in the car but the EMS had to cut me out the wreckage and send me to the hospital for 10 days with them removing my punctured spleen are i would have bled to death.
Was that my botton? NOPE A few months later after healing quite nicely i ended up at the same local club drinking, then returned home to a huge arguement then made a decision to end my miserable life as a threat to my spouse. Took a hand full of pills with wine and off to bed i went without the intentions of waking up the next day.
The next day when my kids couldnt wake me, i heard a faint ring of the phone next to my bed which allowed me to reach for it. With slurred speech
I answered it. To this day i believe it was my Higher Power calling me to wake me up and tell me that He wasnt thru with me yet.
It was then the family step in and did for me what i couldnt do for myself.
Thank God they did, are i wouldnt be here sharing my own experiences strengths and hope with each of u.
Out of desperation. Out of dispair. Out of Anger. Resentments. Fear. Loniliness. And more, i wanted out. I didnt want to feel pain anymore. I didnt want to live anymore. And i tried so many times to turn my life around and I couldnt. What a loser i must have been so i thought.
Today with clearer mind and vision i can see the distruction Alcohol had on me. I was in the grips of a MONSTER. POISON ready to kill me.
For me there was hope just like countless other members here in recovery. Hope to live life without alcohol and i couldnt and still cant without your help.
I needed to be carried in early sobriety and lead by the hand even tho i had the Willingness to follow u. I just didnt have the strength or enthusiasum as u did.
I saw the smiles. I heard the laughter. I heard the words and yet what did it all mean. I kept going and going and listening and more of the same thing day after day being carried till the fog cleared and i was able to comprehend what this program was all about.
It didnt come to me over night by no means. I had to go thru the motions of going to meetings, listening, talking to others about whats going on with me that day. Finding the answers of how others stayed sober one day at a time.
I knew i wasnt alone and therefore i hung out with many of u at meetings. I wanted more than anything to be happy and sober. Today i am. But it didnt happen over night. I took the steps provided and hung on with dear life till i was strong enought to stand on my own.
You can too.
Thanks for letting me share.