In a previous thread today you referred to SR as a "life raft" that you're clinging to. It's good you're using it as a life raft, but recognize that just hanging on as you are is getting you nowhere, you're just out there at sea kicking and splashing around. Meanwhile the sharks and the rescue boats BOTH are circling around you for all the attention you've drawn to yourself. Still you opt to remain in the water. Surely because you don't see your options, vision so obscured by the shower of water you're creating with all your fighting. It seems you wish for this life raft of SR to come with a tow rope to drag you into shore. There is no tow rope. YOU need to kick with determination to actually GO somewhere.
I've never responded to your threads because I don't know what to say, you're so resistant to getting help, and your previous thread "need help getting to a meeting" was clearly a farce. At least "If I Give Up I Will Die" is truth and that provides a starting place. All I can offer to you is yet another in the string of life rafts that's being tossed your way, you can choose to let this one float on by too if you like. It's clear that you're not WILLING, nor do you even know how to stop kicking up a storm. Until you surrender your will, and accept the help you NEED, you'll remain bobbing out there in the ocean, surrounded by darkness of your own mind. Don't bother responding to this post, your addict-thinking brain will only put up more of a fight and I don't want to hear from it. If you opt to get help, probably in the form of committing yourself to in-patient treatment, I'd love to hear how that goes from your straight-thinking brain. Get well.