Welcome!! Wimp????? Nope!!!!! Your here right? Thats a step!! I know the pain your feeling, I also know the wonderful numbness that the bottle provides......
One thing I have discovered though.....TIME.......Time and support of friends and family are MUCH better then the bottle......no hangovers and comfy shoulders when needed. I agree, you sound VERY depressed, I was too, see your doc. tell him/her everything including the relationship with the bottle, there is help......and light at the end of the tunnel.......without the bottle.....the alcohol is lieing to you, it isnt helping, only making it worse in the long run. There is real help out there, you will thank yourself for finding it! Meanwhile, please keep your chin up and stick around, there is a WONDERFUL support system here, the people here are awesome, they listen, dont judge, and try to offer help when we can!!! One day at a time, thats all you can do, but the pain will get easier, at least it did with me.....with TIME.