going crazy!
What is wrong with me? I am newly sober (25 days if I make it thru today), and also a confirmed member of Alanon/ Naranon and whatever other anon is available :-) I went through a marriage that turned out horrible. My ex husband turned into a meth head, and alchoholic. It was awful, and he lied innumerable lies to me. He sold drugs, endangered our family and we were raided by the police. It was so traumatic that I still dream about it. I have since remarried, probably too soon, but to a man I do love. He is a good guy and loves my kids to death. He appears to be able to handle his drinking, a normie I guess. Well I am finding in my sobriety, that I am all of a sudden suspicious and jealous! This is eating me alive. Part of me feels like I was screwed over so bad by my first husband that I truly could not handle it if it were to happen again. This is brought on by my current husband going to a bar, again without me after we discussed how that made me feel, and staying out till 1 am when he said he would stay just for a little while. This is a place where we both know a lot a people and it is likley that friends showed up so plans changed. But in any case, I find myself in the middle of an Alanon relapse! He got in the shower this morning and what do I do? Yes everyone say it with me here, " I snooped in his pants he wore lastnight!" I know this is an Alanon no-no! I know this does me no good here. But since I did look I saw what he drank. There were bottled beers (that is the ususal) and then 2 draft beers! OK he NEVER drinks draft! My mind is saying, "Jamie, who did he buy that for? He doesn't drink draft etc.... he got home at 1am and the tab was paid at 11:30. "
I am going nuts here! My hands are shaking, my heart is racing, and I am mentally back where I was with my ex husband. These are the times that I used to numb myself with my Xanax. I need some help here ladies. Am I freaking out over nothing? Should I be suspicious? Is it wrong for me to say dont go without me to the bar? AAAAHHH....................