Locked out
Hi,
I did something I have never done before in our 27 year marriage. I installed locks on our bedroom doors the other night after my AH went on his latest binge. He didn't notice the locks I guess because he didn't mention them. I can't stand sleeping with a drunk and being in the same bed feels like I'm being violated even if there is no physical contact.
Last night, after he woke up and left our bedroom to get something to eat, I moved in. Put on clean sheets, and locked myself in and went to sleep. I felt fear when I heard his footsteps coming toward the bedroom. I really didn't want it to turn into a scene, or for him to break the lock. Something he could easily do as my locksmith skills leave something to be desired. When he found the door locked, I hollered out--this is my bedroom tonight, please leave me alone. After muttering to himself, he left and slept on the couch--no scene. I took a deep breath and went back to sleep.
It made me realize I have no serentity or sense of security in my own home and it took locking him out to let me breath easy for a night. I slept great!
I'm trying to find a way to have a place to go when he binges. I can't physically leave the farm as I have animals to care for. And frankly, even if I could, I don't have anyone or anywhere I could go temporarily unless I stayed in a hotel. I have even thought of pitching a tent and going camping in my back 40--is this insane or what!!!