I was reading the Big Book tonight and I started wondering why it took me so long to find the courage to do what I needed to do. I always danced around it but it took way too long for me to make the step forward and do what needed to be done. For reasons that I have yet to discover (as I know they will come in time), I guess that it had to take what it took. Sometimes, I get scared when I think of all the consequences that I have to work myself out of and I feel so OVERWHELMED. I got myself into some pretty huge debt while deep in addiction and my credit has already been damaged. Somehow, I do have this feeling and hope that one day in sobriety, I may be able to fix what I messed up. I know that life will not be perfect because we are all in this rollercoaster ride of life, but it will be better without constantly searching for the next drink or drug and being selfish with my using. Using is being selfish because we are shutting ourselves down from using our unique gifts and giving a part of ourselves that we have to offer the world.
No matter how horrible the past may be, one day that experience can be used in a positive way when helping others. We are all where we are supposed to be.