just a share
I just wanted to share an experience with you on this topic of money. When I could no longer stand the amount of money (I was the primary breadwinner) my AH was spending on drinking I finally cut it down. And in my state our credit is not combined and I bought my house on my own just last summer, even though we were married.
It seemed when it came to money for drinking he was needing more and more. He'd say it was for lunches and cigartettes but I gave him plenty for that. He nearly filled his only credit card ($500 limit) each month with gasoline for his truck and beer from the distributor, and I paid it in full each month. I was also giving him cash each week he used in the bars.
Then I wanted to take my daughter to Disney, so I wanted us to save a little. He was angry we would 'waste' money on a trip like that. Too bad, I said, it has been all about you for too long.
And when I stopped paying his card in full, just paying partially, and I cut down the weekly cash, he became very upset. Complained all the time it wasn't enough. Became angry, saying mean things about me being all about money and such. Found ways to make me feel bad about me, to make me believe I was wrong. When I kept refusing to give more he became unhappy in the relationship and wanted out. After he left I found out he was borrowing to drink and NEEDED more money, which probably led to his 'leaving', just so he could keep his whole paycheck and not give it to m anymore.
I am just sharing, I have no idea if any of this would apply to your situation. I thought you might like to know if others have money challenges with their AHs.