Originally Posted by JessicaNAJ
I can only apply what I've learned from here and al-anon and counseling in my future, not in my past.
Jessica, you've got to apply it to the PRESENT. Al-Anon and any counselor worth their salt will tell you that: today is what matters. One day at a time.
My sense is your original post is the reality. Your courage to post it in the face of what replies you might get here suggests to me you are in a lot of pain over your situation. For many years, I also tried to convince myself I was someone other than who I was. There were 3 people I let define me: my mother, my sister and my AH. My thinking got so confused because I had these 3 people telling me who I was, what I wanted, what I
really thought, etc. Why I did that, instead of trusting myself and all the other people in my life who didn't see me that way, is why I'm in therapy. :-)
No, you do not have to defend yourself to anyone. When I opened my heart and mind to contrary ways of thinking, though, and started to truly believe in my worth, my recovery began in earnest.
Good luck to you.