BigSis

Nope. But even more "usual" was your response. You got upset by her words. You listened. You were harmed by her addiction. You are still asking questions that lead me to believe you think something you do or something you say will keep her/get her/make her... sober or not sober. Knowledge about addiction in general can be good, but about addiction in particular in a loved one has been, for me, more about wanting to control the addiction.

Nothing you do, nothing you say, nothing you don't say, nothing nothing nothing will make her drink/use or keep her from it.

Her recovery is all about her. It is for her. It is by her. It is hers.

.... and do you have any idea how often I have to relearn THAT lesson? (grin... REAL often).

Those of us who love addicts.... we REALLY love them - we want the best life for them.... we are willing in fact to give up OUR life to make that happen. But even giving up our lives does not change the addiction.

The hardest thing I have ever done was to turn each of my addict children out into the street with no skills, no jobs, and drug affected maturity (otherwise known as IMMATURITY)... when my entire being, up until then, was to CARE for them.

But to save ME so there would be any part of me left when they finally decided to get and stay clean and sober... I had to do it. Their addiction got so painful, all I wanted was "off this planet". It got so the pain was so constant that all I could think of was ways to make it stop.

Alanon gave me those ways. I didn't think so at first, but after attending awhile, I began to not only get it "intellectually" (the steps are simple), but to be able to apply it in a practical way to my life (the steps are some days so hard to apply that it seems impossible) and to find that easier as time went on (whaddya know - the steps are not impossible).

I hope you can find something in this very long post to relate to and find a way to figure out how to be happy and enjoy life, whether the addict/alcholic you love is still using, or not.