Hi im new here
Hi I'm Adam - ive spent sometime reading through all your posts and i'm inspired by what i read here. To everyone who has posted please know that the time you have spent posting gives people like me at the beginning of recovery real hope.
God it has been such a lonely affliction, it is warming to know now that im not the only one to go through this. The lonlelyness amuses me. Mainly cos im scared that somehow i wont have a social life now i have stopped drinking and that pops up constantly as a reason to continue. Funny cos most of my life seems to be spent on my own whether drin king or not.
I have stopped drinking for 2 days now. The longest i have ever been is 4. It scares the crap out of me because somehow my mind is convincing me that im somehow leaving something behind. Better for me to write here and watch crap tv than go out and drink. Sorry if i am boring you, guess we need to write it down sometimes to know what we would be going back to.
Well what i have caused so far is 10 years of ruin. I am 27. I have had every opportunity it is possible to have in life for mere mortals. I am intellectually gifted, studied at one of the top universitys in the world. Drunk my way thru that. Was embarrassing to see the cleaner ladies clear my room and need 2 bin bags to clean out my empties. I thought nothing of it at the time.
Since leaving Uni i have made more money in 3 years than my mother makes in 10. Yet im near pennyless. I dont own anything - it has all been spent on drink. When rich i have drunk expensive champagne, when broke i have spent my last £10 on cheap cider.
Nothing has mattered except drink. My life revolves around drinking. When not imbibing i spend my time getting money to buy drink and a few minor distractions that i think i enjoy but seem only to be excuses to drink.
I have had 2 years of rock bottoms and am seriously bored. Homeless on the other side of the world having drunk my plane fare money. That should've kicked my ass but no. Waking up in a pool of blood - that didnt stop me - even though to this day i have no idea how it happened. That didnt stop me either.
Those things still happen but now i have a final chance, i have got a job that will utilise my talents as they remain. it is a chance to start again and try and live some sort of life that is not just about self destruction.
Having drunk away my money, family, friends and looks i came close to losing my health - i have gout at 27. Oh when it was in one foot i hobbled around to bars and to the off license like a fool. Then it got into the other foot. I couldn't think, couldn't eat, couldn't live and now can't walk.
I feel better already every hour as i dont drink as i start to trust myself again. Cos thats the most awful thing in my opinion, the lies. The constant lies and BS.
Apologies for my rant, i know youve heard it all before.
Thankyou for your posts, every one of them. Without them this lonely guy would not have found the courage to stop killing myself slowly.
Im enjoying it already.
Adam