Originally Posted by Janitw
Hello All, in my last thread I was very sad about my divorce going final on the 7th of June. You guys picked me right back up and I love you for it. Today I rec'd an email from my MIL and in it she went on to blame the kids and I for his Alcohoism....well not totally but basically that what she was doing - here's and example:"There is one area, in which I think you are undermining your own strength, and I think I've mentoned this to you before. For your own happiness and peace, and ability to move on, you've got to remove the "root of bitterness" toward AH and forgive him as much as you are able to do. AH may have had his problems but I'm sure with reflection, you've thought of ways you could have been a more supportive wife too. There always seems to be blame on both sides of a relationship gone bad, whether it's lack of respect, mutual support, other family memebers, the way in which money was spent, ect. I think it will only keep the bitterness alive if you focus on the belief that AH was the whole problem." "For daughter and son - this is so important for their own mental health and future relationships - they really need to know - from you- that their father, as well as their mother, loves them. if you are able to do it, it needs to be explained to them that the problems and development of all that has happened causing the marital breakup, is between you and AH, and they are only suffering the consequesnces. Because individual relationships abd personalities always affect the whole family, it might be helpful for them to acknowledge that their behavior at times might have exasperated the situation, given their ages and how teenagers and young adults are wont to react, if you know what I mean."
What the heck is this you guys!!!! AH husband leaves the kids and I high and dry - no money- no explanation - saying to us that he will have us ALL thrown out on the streets and starve us out......this he said to us and she thinks he walks on water!!!! Then he has a year long affair with the county hooch - lives with her for 9 months and now MIL says he quit drinking and loves the kids?????? Bullshirt. Have I missed something? I wrote a reply but has not sent it because it's loaded with things like: You're more codependent that I am...We have taken him back 8 times how dare you blame us for his affair and alcoholism...ect...
The final hearing is in a couple of days now and I'm still tore up from the floor up - should I not even respond to this until after the hearing. By the way the kids would kill me if I were to tell her where they are. They swore me to secrecy....HELP
I am sorry......I heard some of this BS from some of our relatives on both sides (usually those who like their drink, for what that is worth) and even from a marriage counselor......basically, sure he might drink too much and have anger issues,etc. but you and the kids cause him stress----------hello! Sad; really it is but a lot of it is ignorance about alcoholism and the saddest part is that it just protects the illness as the family is ripped apart further. (our circumstances are similar and how "stress" would make any of it acceptable is completely beyond reason. It has been "stressful" for me and the kids with him gone,verbal abuse, spending time with another woman, etc.,etc.......I am sure you have found that to be true,also!
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Sending you a big hug and I will keep you all in my prayers.
My FIL is coming around to see that there is a problem as I have kept my hands off things more and more and let AH deal for himself. Our kids have spoken and will not get drawn into believing what they know is not true. We don't argue about it nor rarely discuss it except that I have told them that I am very sorry that this is happening, that I still love their son/brother but he is sick. SIL and FIL and I keep in contact (esp. regarding kids; we have been family for 30 yrs) it is sad for all of us. Save your breath and don't argue with them. I was able at one time to discuss this with FIL and kids (THEY voiced their concerns)