Do you get it now?
That you and your soon to be ex AH really cannot be friends and confidants? It's just not possible, no matter how much you like each other. Maybe many years from now, if he's not dead, but for now, you need to make a clean break with him.
Personally, you have dragged this on too long and if you thought his behavior was going to be any different than what it is, you are quite naieve, and I don't really think you are.
Mega, have you gone to an attorney to start separation proceedings leading to a divorce?