Originally Posted by Phinneas
This is where checking our motives comes in. Are you running away, escaping, hiding, in denial or shame.... or are you on a retreat with self, nature and god?
Also, who is in control right now - your head, your heart or your gut?
You ask the quintessential questions, and I don't know the answer. The "know" probably reveals the answer...my thinking brain--both sides, the addicted and straight. They're at war for control, superceding the heart and the gut. Mind-heavy, there isn't balance. Unwilling/ unable to trust my thinking because I can't decipher which side is talking, it seems important to be open to listen to what others have to say, but not being very able to be honest because I'm hiding so much distorts the picture, which then allows my brain to morph whatever I do hear into whatever it wants. That's living in my head.
Though it's certainly not as though I'm an unfeeling disconnected individual either, I find profound depth and beauty and peace in the natural world, where everything makes clear
sense, there is no struggle to interpret truth, what's
real is
self-evident, the system works, and I find belonging, oneness with all existence...
Oh this is so frustrating, I keep writing and deleting sentences, contradicting myself. Really trying to present a clear picture of what my thinking brain is telling me, while it's busy distracting me. The battle rages on. I've heard it said, "Let your spirit be your guide." My mind is running in circles, playing games with me. Maybe the spirit has better focus. I find writing this out a deeply spiritual quest and appreciate the external guidance freely offered here.