aloneagainor - This is where checking our motives comes in, I think. As we walk along the recovery path, we need to be guided by our motivations and conscience. Are you running away, escaping, hiding, in denial or shame.... or are you on a retreat with self, nature and god? Only you can look deep within for those answers.
If it's the first, I strongly encourage you to reach out to your local AA community and start doing the work with others. If it is the second, I support you in following your inner councel and guidance.
Also, who is in control right now - your head, your heart or your gut? As someone who has lived her whole life in her head, I can tell you that integrating the heart and the gut knowings makes for a more true life. My head can talk me into all sorts of things that I know deep down are bad choices for me.
Keep reaching out and posting. This is an interesting and meaningful discussion.