I know exactly what you are going through. The difference being I never tried to moderate my drinking. After I had that first one, it was balls to the wall from there. I forgot about any previous restraints I had placed on my drinking. I couldn't control it so I quit trying to cut down. I just drank.
There is life without alcohol. You can get there. You remind me so much of myself. Today, I can honestly say, I don't miss drinking one bit. It represents so much pain and misery. I'm happy without it. I'm so glad you came to your realization. We all have to make the attempt at moderation. The truth is, it just doesn't work. However, we have to be convinced of that. No one can tell us otherwise. We all some how think we are different then everyone else. Truthfully, we are all so much alike. Hah...it's almost funny. Congratulations and good luck.