I was one of those determined folks who believed that just a little willpower would do the trick of getting me back to "normal". I have proven myself wrong. Even though I'm fairly new myself, I hope my experience resonates with some of you newcomers and some of you who are just reading around.
After a few years of thinking about getting control of my drinking (and very weak attempts to actually do something about it) I reached a miserable point of not wanting to live each day but not wanting to die. I decided enough was enough. I was going to finally moderate my intake. I cut down my volume per day and number of drunks per week until finally I was sober for 30 days just like Moderation Management suggests and even attended a few AA meetings for good measure. I felt good.
I then added alcohol back into my life.
Immediately I could feel the difference but was hellbent on getting control. I had many loud and painful arguments in my head between my evil alcoholic voice and my HP (if you will). It convinced me that if 7 drinks in one week was OK (since it evened out to 1 per day), then it was OK to pack them into 1 or 2 days. It convinced me that if I could have 1 and feel fine then I must not be an alcoholic so therefore I can get drunk tomorrow and not worry about it. I cried so much as I went back and forth between drinking and not drinking.
Wanting to be happy wanting to be able to drink were just not compatible.
I'm not saying that I have my life all figured out, but I feel better not drinking. So for now, I'm just not going to drink. I've had enough of the emotional rollercoaster that I truly believe is caused by the alcohol. I know there are still going to be tough days and tough moments, but I also know that SR has helped me get this far, and I'm sure it will help me keep going.
I'm a winelover (and vodka, tequilla, beer, gin, whiskey, amaretto, irish cream, you name it and I loved it).
But I can't drink it. C'est la vie. 