Hello lostinlove, I am a recovering addict, but have also been in relationships with other addicts. After I went into detox and treatment my relationship with my boyfriend fell apart because he was in denial about his own addiction problem and was not willing to get help.
I understand how you must be feeling. I can see this from both yours and his perspective.
On the positive, it was good that he was honest with you and told you about his addiction. It was also good that he sought help for his addiction even though he slipped up a couple times (very common) when first getting clean.
The thing about addicts is that there is never any quarantees as to when or if we will relapse. All we can do is continue to go to meetings, get a sponsor, and work our program to the best of our ability.
I know for myself and many addicts it is crucial to concentrate on ourselves in the beginning, just staying clean is a challenge. Our emotions were numbed for so long we had to learn to feel. It is highly recommended that we don't get into a relationship the first year of recovery.
Unfortunately for you, your heart is already involved, and it sounds like his is too. Just so you know, he is extremely vulnerable, fearful, and needs time to work through his emotions at this time.
So ask yourself some questions. Are you willing to be patient while he gets the needed clean time? Are you willing to risk another possible relapse in his early recovery?
I would recommend that you be there for him as a friend at this time. Not only does he need the help and support of someone who loves and cares for him, but it may help him to stay clean.
I would recommend also that you try to stay detached a bit, and view it as helping a friend. You might want to also post this in naranon if you haven't already.
In my situation, my exboyfriend never got the help he needed, and I let him go to pursue my own recovery. That was almost 2 years ago, and I have not been in a relationship since. Relationships are the most challenging for us addicts. Although we want one desperately, we are so highly sensitive to hurt, and have old fears that we need to work through.
I wish you all the best, but please make an educated decision, one using your head as well as your heart.
Diana