Hey There Jill,
CarolD is right. Your body is telling you to quit but your mind is telling you to drink.
Drinking probably feels like the one thing that makes you feel good. It makes you feel real good all over. Going without it probably feels like an impossibility at this point. What else in life could possibly provide as much fun, and good, warm feelings?
Without it, you are depressed and anxious. And your body probably feels like sh*t.
So, the answer is to pour another down your throat. Magic cure. Magic cure that is killing you.
Jill, have you been thinking about other people who live without alcohol and who live happy, fulfilling lives? Have you imagined that perhaps you could too? Have you thought that maybe, just maybe, you are not fulfilling your true potential because alcohol consumes so much of your energy?
But it feels impossible to give it up.
It is an old, dear, reliable friend.
You used to use the friend to relax and enjoy life. Now the tables have turned, and the friend is using you. It's using up your body, your mind, your awareness.
Somewhere inside, the real you is still there, however.
The question is, will you learn this in time to save your life?
--Scott