Jill,
Please try a meeting tonight instead of going out,
I had an aunt...my favorite aunt, an amazing woman, funny, full of life and also an alcoholic.She drank all my life until her liver failed her. She had a choice too. She could live her life and stop drinking or she could drink and die. She was resistant to AA and any form of help, so you can imagine her decision.
I wish I would have been able to help her but she really had to do it herself. I also wish I had known about this site, Because it has helped me more than I can ever say.
I also have my sober times...addict inside my head is always telling me to use but I CHOOSE not to. It is hard and you have to fight. Stay strong and PLEASE try out a meeting.
Peace and I will pray for you.
~Beezy