Ann, you enlighten me again
Ann,
You are always right there, nearly reading my mind, and telling me just what I ned to hear said.
I was reading Shiz's post and surprised at the anger I was feeling well up. I realized that although I hadn't dealt with the exact same scenario, the underlying theme was the same. And it brought back hurts and angers from my relationship with my AH that run all the way through to the early days of our relationship.
The selfishness of the A always disgusts me. It is always about them, and what they want. The way they can manipulate a situation in such a twisted way as to always make things our fault, always make us wrong if we dont't agree with them, and alwasy make what they just did OK (when it was so clearly not OK) -- it is unreal! I have said to my A in sarcasm a few times "It must be great to go through life truly believing everything bad that has ever happened to you has never been your fault. That you never do anything wrong."
But the part I find most damaging, if I can explain it right, is the sheer painful reality that they truly seem to believe the crap they are saying. I am always hurt hurt hurt that he would feel his behavior was ok. That he believes he did nothing wrong. I am constantly asking "do you really believe that? do you really see it that way?" I am so incredulous. Stunned I tell you. And hurt.
And, boy, it is the aspect that works against me most. Because I immediately go into codependent mode and panic that he sees things that way and how can I show him that he is wrong. How can I make him see me as wonderful again. Good grief. I have to laugh at mysefl as I admit this here.
And then, as I was finishing reading Shiz's posts I started thinking how hurtful that all is. How... what's the word?...........
And there you were, Ann, with the word. -- Abusive -- Yup. There it is. I never put that word to it but thats the leap my mind was trying to make.
Now if my heart can see what my mind just realized it should help me with my efforts of detachment. Thanks, as always, Ann, for helping me keep it real.