Wow. Lots of good stuff in your reply Mike. And lots to consider. I kinda like recapping things for myself when I take in information, so:
1. Look at the emotions and attitudes first, deal with those, and deal with doing later, once there is clarity. (Yes, I often jump to doing as a coping mechanism to quiet the fear and panic.)
2. Have confidence in my own progress and that I am developing the skills to deal with the same situations differently.
3. Ask if I have the right information to make an informed decision.
4. Pack a parachute!
Regarding my own job stuff specifically -- you asked about getting a temporary job in order to exit the current one. I am looking at some possibilities. While not exactly kosher, I took on a freelance gig that I could do mostly from home because there is a possibility of this developing into something much bigger and ongoing. I am in the middle of this now. Everyone seems to be very happy with my work (it is sooo nice to get spontaneous complimentary and appreciative emails that have been totally absent with my current employer) -- and it's a matter of completing this assignment and seeing what will develop afterwards. They may only want a freelance arrangement though -- and that is why i am considering going freelance and and all its implications -- and yup, feeling scared. Turning it over, feeling it out.
As to career change, I'm only started the first steps by talking to others in the field and at the end of this month, I start my first training. I'm pretty aware of the timeline involved and the knowledge that I'll have to maintain my income with my current career for some time still. It will be a gradual transition when it happens. I feel pretty comfortable with the approach. And happy about it, even though there are uncertainties.
When I first registered for the training, after submitting my registration, I actually bawled my eyes out. It was totally unexpected. But I realized I was weeping for years of grief of having spent years doing something not because I loved it or it fed me spiritually or emotionally, but because I was taking care of responsibilities. This registration symbolized taking a concrete step towards saying I'm important, I matter, and what can make me happy and feel fufilled matters. It was a big moment.
thanks again mike,
gf