Hey there GF,
Originally Posted by GettingFree
... Uh, yeah, I suppose it is. Are you suggesting this is an indicator I'm in the wrong profession (like I needed another one! ) ...
*lol* I am suggesting that you have a choice of letting the toxic reflexes of the past dictate your profession, or using the skills you developed as a survivor and apply them to your profession. The difference is in the attitude.
Originally Posted by GettingFree
... I get confused often with this. I suppose it's the process of relearning....
I have trust in _my_ ability to make a good decision as long as I have all the necesary information. When I get confused in the manner you describe it is because I lack some vital piece of information. My choice then is to recognize that I am making a partial guess, or do some more research before deciding.
Originally Posted by GettingFree
... The fear is that I may still have to return to the toxic setting that was hurting me so much while I continue to look....
It won't be the same setting. _You_ are different. You have new skills with which to deal with emotions, you have a plan for both short and long term, you have new awareness of your strengths and weaknesses. You now have a much greater immunity to toxic settings.
Originally Posted by GettingFree
... I've always thought if I'm unhappy, there must be something different I can be doing. ...
"Doing" is the solution a child seeks. When I am unhappy I _first_ work on changing my _attitude_ towards my circumstances. I've had toxic jobs too, I first focus on being grateful that I have _any_ job and once settled in that attitude I start looking for a new one. The 12 step recovery programs work by following the three "A's" Awareness, Acceptance, Action.
Being aware that there is something unhealthy in my life has to come first. In turn that leads to identifying _what_ is wrong.
Acceptance that I am in a toxic situation, but also acceptance that I am capable of getting myself out of it.
Action, which won't happen unless my mind is settled and clear as a result of the prior two "A's".
Originally Posted by GettingFree
... My partner and I had a great talk about my anxiety yesterday. I have messed up in the past so much, and been so vulnerable financially in the past to others, that I am terrified of either of us making a misstep. ...
That's wonderful. Good for you!!!
Originally Posted by GettingFree
... This very same fear has stopped me from following my heart by needing to have secure solid plans in place. Taking risks like this scares me. ...
Risks are _supposed_ to scare you. Otherwise we would not be careful. Sounds to me like you are aware of the risks, you have accepted that you are heading in a direction with potential danger, and you have taken action to evaluate progress and keep escape routes available.
That is for your partners employment plan. How about for your own? Have you set up evaluation points for your own progress into a new career? Do you have alternative plans such as getting a temporary job?
Originally Posted by GettingFree
... I want to learn to feel comfortable letting go of answers, outcomes, and trusting that if you follow a dream, you can get there. His, and mine.
But I still feel like I'm walking over the edge of a building, and jumping! Maybe that's part of the process? ...
The only way to feel comfortable jumping off a building is by wearing a parachute
Here's some concrete examples.
When I have switched careers I first inventoried my needs. Then I researched the new career to see if it met my needs. Being able to meet my families financial needs was among them. I chose to transition from one career to the next in a manner that allowed me to switch back to the old career if I needed to. The answer and outcome that I needed was secure income, but since I could not guarantee that in the new career I took action to be able to fall back on the old career if needed.
I had awareness that the outcome was unpredictable, so I took action to keep a diferent, but acceptable, outcome available. The trust in my HP was that whichever outcome I got I would be able to accept and adapt to it. For me it's not about trusting my HP to give me the outcome I want, it's about trusting my HP to help me make the best of whatever outcome I get.
I have followed several dreams in life. Not all of them worked out. I trust my HP to help my find the way to reach those dreams, but it is up to me to make careful plans and make informed decisions to get there. Some dreams didn't come true, but others have.
If I choose to jump off a building, then I trust my HP to make the parachute open, the rope not snap and the big air bag at the bottom to not pop when I hit it. But _I_ pack the parachute, check the rope and fill up the air bag. And if all those fail I trust my HP to show me how to enjoy flapping my arms like a bird
Mike
