DesertEyes

Hey there gf,

Sounds like you two have a huge load of stress on your hands. I dunno 'bout you, but I'd be feeling overwhelmed.

Yours truly comes from a toxic family. I was abused and tortured, raped and beaten. Went thru the PTSD and grief counseling and ACoA and all that stuff. The physical injuries have left scars, but the emotional ones are now just distant echoes. The description you gave of your bf sounds a lot like me some years ago, and a lot like my kid brother. Here's a few things I went thru that might be of use to you.

My emotional development from childhood into adulthood was inconsistent. Some areas such as skills in raising children were over-excercised because I was the only "adult" in the family, and had to raise my younger brother. Other areas received no excercise at all, such as developing trust and friendships, because we had almost no contact with the outside world. I entered the "real world" as "over responsible" in some areas and completely inept in others. It took a lot of time and practice to figure out things like navigating toxic jobs, learning to have a new job in place before quiting the old one, managing incompetent bosses, avoiding office politics, etc.

In addition to being "challenged" in the area of workplace skills I also came out without having had a childhood. I never had the chance to play, to dream, to fantasize. In turn that made it difficult for me to keep my "play time" within the bounds of reality. I would stay up all night pursuing some silly pastime and forget that I had to go to work the next day. I would get grandiose schemes and actually try to carry them out, much like a 5 yr old trying to build a life-size castle out of a single bucket of sand.

I had to learn as an adult all the lessons a healthy person learns as a child.

I've known many friends with similar backgrounds who never did learn those lessons. Some of them quite brilliant in technical areas, but completely incapable of balancing a checkbook. Sometimes we get mis-diagnosed as having Asperger's syndrome because it's usually the social skills that are the most impaired.

Here's a few questions for ya. What are you doing to reduce _your_ stress? Attending real life meets? A good sponsor? Spreading out any major changes in your life? You say your planning to go back to work _and_ change careers. Is it stresful to do both so close together? Would it be easier to do one first, get back in the "rhythm" and later on change careers? Have you discussed your fears with your bf?

Yup, I agree, winning the lottery would be great That may be something you can include in a "mini-fourth step" with your sponsor. Are you just day dreaming? or are you still wrestling with some echoes of your own toxic childhood?

Whadya think?

Mike