Thanks so much you all.
I truly believe it is a miracle from my Higher Power ("God") that I no longer wish to dwell on what might-have-been, what is no longer, and what will never be. I have peace. I'm not angry. And I wish him well, but it's no longer of any interest to me to be a player in his "drama."
That is a gift from your HP. I too am not really angry at this point, but there is a certain sense of sadness that I am quite frankly shocked about. I did not think I had much in me left for him. I thought that I had come to total peace and acceptance of the fact that he chooses drinking over a future with me. I thought that I would never second guess myself during his quacking sessions of saying "you're not giving me a chance." I was wrong. His words do affect me, but I know that I cannot continue this way and if I were to stay, the "drama" would continue. I can no longer be a participant in the drama either. I am done and what he chooses to do with this time in his life is his business and HIS choice.
I do find myself saying these types of things to myself--- "If I were him, I'd take this time when we are separated to get my act together and 'prove' myself. I'd go through all the necessary steps to make life better for me and stop this cycle of pain." I just feel that NOW would be the time for him to pull up the bootstraps. He cannot see this as an opportunity for POSITIVE change. Instead, he is blaming, having pity parties and drinking himself stupid every day. Is it natural for me to have these kind of thoughts??????