I'm so happy for you and it's normal to have second thoughts when you think back to the early days when things weren't as bad. Carpetburn? My AH feel onto a gravel driveway in a campground two years ago and woke up the next morning with a bloody mess on one side of his face. He acted embarrassed, but by the time the day was done he had "forgotten" it - just another method of denial. Two weeks ago, he fell in our family room (all tile flooring) and bruised his face up bad. He also broke a champagne glass and didn't bother to clean up most of the shards of glass. Great. It would have been lovely if the dog had walked into that. This time he had multiple bruises. He almost decided to clean up his act, but after four days (and a serious case of the shakes) he was back on the sauce.
I haven't lived with him, for the most part, in almost two weeks. After being put through an emotional meat-grinder I can honestly say that I've grieved the loss of the man he was, realized that the man he was is dead and gone, and made peace with the fact that he probably will never get sober after numerous detox programs (both in-patient and out-patient). I truly believe it is a miracle from my Higher Power ("God") that I no longer wish to dwell on what might-have-been, what is no longer, and what will never be. I have peace. I'm not angry. And I wish him well, but it's no longer of any interest to me to be a player in his "drama."
I wish you every good thought that you will continue to grow on your own and be able to put the past to rest. We all grieve the loss of a loved one to addiction, but there is a point when we must cease grieving and move on with the one life we were given to life; namely, our own.