THis is great.
I had felt for a long time, that there just was something that "wasn't right" with my current marriage. He didn't seem to make any sense to me at all, but it was very easy for me to berate and degrade myself, because after all, he was "such a nice guy." I was totally charmed and fooled.
A few years ago, when I stopped, turned around and looked back at my past, I realized that I have been in many abusive relationships, both in romantic relationships with men and platonic friendships with other women (yes, women can be just as bad). Then, I finally realized that I had been right to believe all these years that my parents are sick and abusive. Up until about age 33, I still bought into the b.s. they told me, that I "had it good." and that "it could be a lot worse."
Before I even did any exploring on it (after my husband raped me), I told a friend that I believed that I am in an abusive relationship, but that it is a different type than what I'd seen before (not really, just played out in a different form).
Well, anyhow, I'm rambling, but I did want to say THANK YOU!! I copied pasted the original post and a few others onto Word, to keep and give out at the women's group meeting at a local shelter. I still haven't gotten the 'nads to leave so far, but I am on the brink...just waiting for the word "go"...not sure what that is.
Here's something I have learned so far...it's a bad idea to judge a new person in my life based on what they Don't do like the last one (i.e....well, at least he doesn't hit me, or put me down like the last one). I'm trying to compile a list of trust vs not trust characteristics, and have started a thread on the Adult Children of Alcoholics forum. If you have something to share or add, please do. I could use some guidance on figuring out, BEFORE making a commitment like marriage or sex, what behaviors and attitudes are ones that can be trusted vs. not.
Thanks a $MIL!!