This is what I think.....I guess it is along the lines of "leaving it in God's hands" but my mind doesn't think that way.
Codemaster, someday you will have what you are seeking. But the best part will be it'll happen when you're ready. You think you're ready now but you're not because IF you were, it would have happened on it's own. One day, you'll bump into her or something of the sort....albeit a phone call (by her) , a run in, you name it, it'll happen and how you handle that moment will be exactly how you should. I believe you won't need to "thank her." SHe'll see just how you've changed by looking at your eyes and your smile. She'll know what she missed out on and inside, she'll be left with HER guilt.