Need to whine/vent... so bear with me!
A word of warning... this post will most likely not be a good representation of the program I have been working so hard at. I am just so frustrated with B and his behaviors as of late and I needed a safe place to air it. So here it goes....
He has been nothing but a big pain in the butt alcoholic this week. Out almost every night drinking, and then getting up every morning and complaining to me about he's "so busy with work" and he's mad that it's keeping him from getting anything done around the house (including finishing up the bathroom that's he's been "remodeling" since January, and we still have no toilet or shower). The only thing keeping him from getting crap done is himself, and his wants. I know that, he knows that, yet he rambles (quacks!) on and on blaming everything else for why he hasn't been able to get stuff done.
He got home around 10:30 last night, and I asked him what was going on for the weekend... (what the hell was I thinking?!?!?!?!)....
He proceeded to tell me how he HAD to go out with his buddy tonight b/c he's had such a busy week at work that he needs a break. A break, a freakin' break? He's had a break EVERY NIGHT this week?!?!? And meanwhile... I'm getting HUGE... my abilities to do slave labor around the house are drastically disappearing. Our lawn is still a mess from the trees he took down in October. I've done the best I can to get things picked up, but everytime he sees me out there he screams at me (he doesn't want me to doing anything strenuous, yet he won't go out and get it done himself!). The baby's room is a complete war zone, and he won't let me paint or do any staining so I can't get that put together (but again, he won't work on that room either). The bathroom... well, I've done all I can to keep the bathroom moving forward (short of hiring a plumber to come and install the tub and toilet, of course).
The baby's due in less than 3 months and the place is no where's near where we wanted it to be at this point. I've done all I can with the things I can control... now I need the one thing I can't control (my lazy husband!) to pick up his end of the slack, or to leave me the hell alone so I can get the crap done myself!
I'm just frustrated. My Mom is starting to get on my case. She's hosting a shower for me in 3 weeks, and I haven't finished the registry, not because I don't want to... but b/c B wants to give his input on the major items. I've asked him every morning, "Can we please go and get that finished tonight?" "Yeah sure, no problem. We'll go right after work." and then he doesn't come home or calls and says, "Something's come up, let's do it tomorrow."
Well, all those "tomorrows" have run out as far as I'm concerned. I'm going to finish all the stuff up myself now, and I'm not going to let him tell me I "can't or shouldn't" do things anymore. I'll find ways to work with (instead of against!) this new physique of mine. I'm going to figure out what I need to do to be able to paint and stain and then I'm going to get the baby's room done myself. I will not sit here and be held hostage by his choices anymore. And, if need be, I will hire a damn plumber b/c I need my bathtub and toilet back now.
I don't mind doing my chores or working on the projects that need to get done... I just get super pissed about being told "Don't do it", when I know that if I don't... it'll never get done! I've never been a nagger b/c I've always subscribed to the theory of, "If you want something done, and you want it done NOW, well then do it yourself!" I leave B alone to do the things he wants, why can't he just let me do the things I want!??! Guity conscience, maybe? I don't know, and I don't care. Just leave me alone so I can enjoy myself and get ready for the baby.
Anywho... I feel better now. Thanks for listening!
:-) Shannon
P.S. On a very high note, the baby is extremelly active now! S/he is great company during the day with the constant wiggling, kicking, punching! I'm really looking forward to getting to meet this wonderful little person!