yes lateeda, you're right. Lots of us here do not have solid boundarys. Things we think we have, we bend when the situation comes....denial?
I can detach from my ah drinking and acting mean or saying creul things. I KNOW it's his alcohol talking and well, why buy into something like that? I can walk away and be at peace knowing who I am. I could detach if he got into trouble with drinking and not get caught up in the drama.
But detaching isn't a tool you use when your husband is running around cheating or any number of other things. I think some (myself included at times) get confused and think we'd suggest anyone needs to detach from that behavior.
Now, once you decide a boundary was crossed and are leaving for such a thing, then yes, you have to detach and heal.