You raise a lot of good points Equus!
After reading your post a few things came to mind. The first is that 'I' need to remember to examine my motives before I reply. I need to ask myself am I encouraging them to do what's best for them, or are my experiences tainting that?
I truly believe we all want to help each other! Some of us do this in different ways. I 'strive' (don't always succeed) to 'plant a seed', or give 'food for thought' to get others to think about what their options might be. I know I need to work on that. At least I can say now that I am aware of it.
Another thing that came to mind is that it's a struggle for me at times to not 'react' from an emotional point of view. I've done that here several times and have regretted it.
It sometimes is difficult to offer advice or suggestions as we are not living other people's lives. They are. Each situation is similiar in some respects, while being different at the same time.
I see one of the purposes of SR to be a 'safe haven' for those that might not have anyone else to share with for the moment. It's good that this place is used as a maybe a first or a supplemental step, but I don't think it should be the only tool used.
I like this post Equus. It inspired me to think - to look at my own motives and behaviors. Have to admit, I don't always like what I see coming from within me.