Welcome, longatthis
I, too, want healthy and if that's normal, all the better. I can see where someone would think Al-Anon or any other 12 step program is only for the "dysfunctional time." But that seems to apply attendance was only in relation to the alcoholic. The 12-steps have taught me a new way to look at life. Applying that new way to every aspect of my life has helped me lead a healthier and happier life.
Long wrote:
It seems overtime we are taught to detach, don't trust, be self aborbed.
I have not been taught not to trust or be self absorbed. I have been taught to trust only those who show by their actions they can be trusted. I have not been taught to be self absorbed. I have been taught to take care of myself first. Life would be pretty barren if I thought the lesson was to not care about other people.
Change who we are even though are feelings are contrary.
For me it was learning to understand what I was truly feeling and at times, when appropriate, apply contrary ACTIONS. Over time, my thinking had become that I needed to react in certain ways to my AH's behavior. I've learned those reactions may not have been appropriate and my thinking needed to change. Nothing wrong with that.
Maybe the key to getting healthy is allowing ourselves to feel again.
Minnie- I think why it is so hard to love freely and have an opinion is because like you I was shattered by the experience.
I am also a member of the shattered club. My support system has helped me see that I can and will love freely again. I'm a little confused on what is meant by "love freely and have an opinion."