I guess normal and healthy have different meanings for all of us. I have read many posts on this forum in the last 2 years. I have seen the responses people have had to there situations they seem very normal/healthy.
The alcoholic gets drunk and cheats on you.......response hurt and mad.
The alcoholic gets a drunk driving................response mad, afraid, devastated.
The alcoholic ruins a christmas,birthday party, etc.....response furious
It goes on and on and on
It seems overtime we are taught to detach, don't trust, be self aborbed.
Change who we are even though are feelings are contrary.
Maybe the key to getting healthy is allowing ourselves to feel again.
Even though the teachings of alanon were life savers in that dysfunctional time in our lives. I don't know if they work in a healthy lifestyle.
Minnie- I think why it is so hard to love freely and have an opinion is because like you I was shattered by the experience.
It would be hard not to know what normal/healthy is, not growing up that way.
I grew up where things that my alcoholic did to me were not acceptable or normal. Maybe that makes a big difference.