Welcome!
The Alanon meeting sounds like a plan. Alot of our feelings have to do with just that...our feelings. Until you get a handle on that you will remain confused. Alanon can help you do that.
Get a copy of Melody Beatties "Codependent no more" and read it. You will be suprised...I thought she was looking through my windows!!
My advise would be if you don't know...don't. You can take the time learn.
Hugs,
JT