Hi Nutty,
I am going through something very simular with my dad right now. He is very depressed, and I am 99% sure he is Bipolar, however has never gotten treatment or help. He has been an alcoholic all of my life (25 years now), and in the last few months went into a deep depression, began drinking heavily again (he had been sober for almost 1 1/2 years), stopped working and lost his home. He is currently living with me, and I want to support him any way I can- as long as he is getting help and not drinking. In the last 2 months he has had alcohol on at least 4 occassions that I know of. He says that he is so upset, depressed, anxious, angry, etc. that he can't stand how he feels and has to "numb" the pain. Yes, I know that is not an excuse, however I do feel that he will not successfully quit the alcohol untill the depression is better controlled. I also no longer give him money- I was giving him $5 here and $5 there for gas or things, and I found him to use that to drink. I know that if he really wants a drink, lack of money will not stop him. However I have no intention of making it easier for him.
He has his first appointment with the psych doctor next week and will hopefully begin to get some help. He also went back to his first AA meeting in several months today. He has been doing some reading, 1 book in particular has been helpful to him "Reinventing Your Life". He has begun to learn healthier ways to cope with those negative feelings instead of turning to alcohol right away. Ultimately he is the only one that can change, he is the only one that can make that choice.
Alanon is also very helpful for many, have you been to any meetings to see if this would help you? I myself do not go, I have been to a few meetings but I have a really difficult time with groups. But I do know that it is a great program that has helped lots of people.
Take care
Jessica