Which comes first, the chicken or the egg?
I’m new here, so please bear with my rambling.
Which comes first the chicken or the egg? Or in my husband’s case the alcoholism or the mental illness. Impossible for me to tell. My husband is the son of an abusive alcoholic. Several siblings are alcoholics and at least 2 others have severe mental disorders and alcoholism. We don't know about the mental health of the rest. A psychiatrist’s refusal to treat him until has 30 days of sobriety is not working. He drinks to relieve his anxiety. His medication is not working for the anxiety disorder, the alcohol certainly interferes with the medication. His is not a physical addition to alcohol. He was sent home early from detox because he had no withdrawal symptoms. I believe that in order for treatment to work for him, it has to address both the psychological addiction and the mental illness.
Currently, he is not functioning. He spends most of his day in bed. He hates what he is right now (alcoholic, unemployed, panicky, depressed), yet lacks the mental will or strength to fight. He pledges to get help. He outlines his plan for sobriety, but cannot or will not follow through. He was allegedly to enter inpatient, but can’t get a bed until next month. I say allegedly, because he is “always going to start treatment.” He is supposed to go to outpatient starting this week, but the days and hospital that he said he is going to, doesn’t have it those days and times. He has a plethora of reasons why he can’t do it today. It is always tomorrow (which of course never comes). He lost his job after having an anxiety attack at work.
Talk about dependent. For awhile he was using my credit cards at the local tavern, without my knowledge or authorization. He is not on any of my accounts. The local tavern rang up hundreds on my credit cards without having the card and without an authorized user. They assumed he was authorized (his name is not on the card) and he didn’t have a card. In fact, most of my cards are in my maiden name. I read them the riot act, threatened legal action, and changed all my credit card numbers. Then the tavern started letting him run tabs, expecting that I would come into pay. I told them if they were stupid enough to run a tab for him, then they can bite the loss. He can’t drink if I don’t give him the money; so he said he needed $20 for the co-pay for his doctor. After a couple times, I saw this was a lie. The doctor billed for the co-pay. I am not obligated to fund his addiction. I don’t trust him with money, because any time he has $20 he will end up at the tavern. I don’t carry more than $10 (never have) and now hide my wallet at night. Starting today, no work=no money for booze. It might get ugly. He has been ill-tempered when I wouldn’t give him money before. He sometimes tries to blame me, but I’m not falling for that. I am not responsible for his drinking, it started when he was 10 or 12 or his mental illness. He gets mad and tells me to leave, until I remind him that it is my house. Then he suddenly backs down. We shall see what happens now. I have not lost hope. Yet.