Hi again,
When I first read your post prettywoman, I DID realize that you were not meaning offense to anyone; when we are living thru what WORKS for us, we are empowered.
But, I guess I didn't feel like I needed to respond with any contradictions; I just wanted to congradulate you on your strength. There are a lot of reasons why I agree with your position - I DO believe that sometimes we make choices that may not be "right", but are safe - we hang on to the hope that "things will be different". There are times when we need to stop being afraid, and make the decision that hurts, in order to be healthy. For example: A woman who is married to an alcoholic who abuses her, has probably made the decision to stay 100 times - it is safe. And maybe, just maybe, he'll change one day. And when/if this woman decides that she will leave, she has put herself out on the line; she is vulnerable, she is afraid, she is now in the "unknown". Eventually the realization that simply by NOT being abused and degraded, she is healthier... hopefully she can gain back her sense of self-worth and enjoy the peace.
However, my situation with my alcoholic husband is NOT this way. He does not abuse me or degrade me; I do not SUFFER at his hands.... and I am certainly NOT his doormat. I think that your points are VERY valid, but like the others said, things are not that black and white. If one is strong enough to have sought their OWN recovery (in alanon / naranon), than they have started to put themselves FIRST; take care of themselves; make healthy decisions - these are choices too.
MY recovery helps ME to stay healthy; my husbands recovery helps HIM to stay healthy - And we meet somewhere in the middle. My needs / wants are not comprimised here. I get what I want out of life because I seek it. I am still able to maintain a relationship with my husband - AND it's working
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As far as it goes with where my spirituality enters in to all of this... it is on more of a personal level; my husband and I are NOT married because we are christians. In fact, we were of no denomination when we met. Thru his recovery, mu husband is discovering Christianity, and is developing his own relationship with God; I am too. But our marriage does not survive because of our beliefs... Hmmmm, I am sure many of you would have something to say about this. Thats OK... It's working for me
Thanks for letting me respond!
Take care
Meg