There really is nothing more to be added to this post. I'm realizing in a terrible way that addiction is real, progressive, chronic. There is no happy medium in that condition. The next thread I start, and I hope there is one, will be on the day I begin recovery, or at least have intent to attempt sobriety. Still in the considering phase. Hoping to not get stuck and settle. There must be a better way to live than as an active addict. Practicing is so all-consuming. I know I have more to offer...